Jay ([info]brian1789) wrote,
2007-02-23 08:37:00
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Assaulted at dinnertime in SD...

Last night, we went with [info]nolly to Pokez, a Mexican restaurant in downtown San Diego. We had to wait about 15 min. to order, and the waitress seemed stressed. It was David's turn to order... he was slow to make up his mind while ordering, and grumpy. Not yelling or anything himself, just cranky and repetitive (about not wanting ranchero sauce on his omelet, said 4-5 times). The waitress took this somewhat uncouth behavior as directed at her, and she suddenly snapped. She grabbed his shoulder, shook him, and leaned over and started mocking him, yelling his words back directly in his ear. He asked her to stop, and she grabbed his shoulder and then started screaming in his ear. Screaming that she had had enough and didn't have to work with this. And then she let go, stood up, told the table that she would not serve anyone at the table, and stalked away. He hadn't touched her beforehand... he wasn't even making eye contact, he had been looking at the menu.

We all looked at each other, in shock. After a pause, I got up and went to the manager, behind the register. I politely explained that I had an autistic son, that sometimes he needed a bit of extra time or patence, and did not read body language well. And that his waitress had abused him and refused to serve our table, and that that was unacceptable. I wanted an apology and a different server. But the manager backed up the waitress. He said that she was right, and that if my son was "going to be too much trouble" then we should not let him order for himself in restaurants. That it was our fault for having a child that needed patience or hesitated while ordering, and so we should have ordered for him. And that our party should leave.

James (his teenaged brother) was sullen and blamed David.... we were silent, mostly not believing that this was happening. Eventually went to another place for dinner.

[updates have been posted subsequently... basically, as of Friday evening, I have talked to the local Autism Society, and their attorney several times, have tried twice to file a police report (only could get an "incident report" from the SDPD), and have sent a letter to the local paper (Union-Tribune)]

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[info]fiddle_dragon

February 23 2007, 15:42:38 UTC 5 years ago

Holy crap! Write to the owner, write to the BBB and wow...that was completely and utterly unacceptable.

[info]britgeekgrrl

February 23 2007, 16:54:55 UTC 5 years ago

Seconded, and CC the local newspapers, too.

[info]fiddle_dragon

5 years ago

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[info]cerulean_me

5 years ago

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[info]riff_77

February 23 2007, 15:48:39 UTC 5 years ago

wow that is really wrong!
let me know anything i can do with any action that you take.

Anonymous

March 1 2007, 23:33:59 UTC 5 years ago

So wrong!

So wrong of you to takes sides before hearing the other side first. This man is completely exaggerating the situation, and its sad he is exploting his own sons autism for some reward.
Take it from someone who saw the incident, and no I dont work there...
-Jaccie Phillips
virgo83@juno.com

[info]brian1789

5 years ago

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[info]purplecthulhu

February 23 2007, 15:51:15 UTC 5 years ago

I don't know about the law in the US, but in the UK that would count as assault. I'm shocked - everyone can have a bad day, but that was totally out of order.

[info]celticmoni

February 23 2007, 16:31:15 UTC 5 years ago

Here, it's battery. It's a criminal charge.

[info]avt_tor

5 years ago

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[info]kshandra

5 years ago

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Anonymous

5 years ago

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[info]brian1789

5 years ago

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...and 10 more comments... from [info]elgecko, [info]pecunium, Anonymous… Expand

[info]missk

February 23 2007, 15:51:24 UTC 5 years ago

WTF!

Personally, I think a call to the police and an official assault charge would have been in order. NOBODY has the right to put thier hands on your child and shake him!!

Perhaps even a call to the local press to inform the public of this resturant's abusive policies.

*outraged on David's behalf* GRRRRRR

[info]deedeebythebay

February 23 2007, 15:58:36 UTC 5 years ago

Re: WTF!

I'm in absolute agreement with this. This is horrific. What kind of people....? Geez. I'm so sorry this happened to you guys and to David especially.
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Anonymous

5 years ago

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[info]datagoddess

February 23 2007, 15:51:40 UTC 5 years ago

That's seriously messed up. And if she touched him, she assaulted him. I think not only a letter to the owner, but maybe a little media attention might be in order (letter to the editor, TV community relations, etc.)

[info]radven

February 23 2007, 16:41:58 UTC 5 years ago

Indeed.

Take this to the restaurant owner (not just the manager on duty), the media, and I'd even suggest the police.

This is disgusting and outrageous behavior.

*ick*

- chris

[info]kallell

5 years ago

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[info]who_is_she

February 23 2007, 16:00:39 UTC 5 years ago

What she did was assault.
I can't believe the ignorant manager.

Please keep us updated and I also hope you tell all of us this restaurant's name so we wont' ever go there.
EEEK

hugs for you all

here's a little quote from a website:

"The ADA(Americans with Disabilities Act) prohibits discrimination against qualified people with disabilities in all aspects of employment, from applying for jobs to job training to earning wages. As an ADA attorney will tell you, the act ensures that people with disabilities must have equal access to venues such as restaurants, theatres, medical offices, retail stores, libraries, private schools and museums...."

that F*&$ing waitress does not get to tell your son, or your family, that being autistic means you have to go eat somewhere else. David was not asaulting other customers, she is the one who escalated the situation.

I am so sorry this happened to you....

more hugs

[info]kino_kid

February 24 2007, 20:45:05 UTC 5 years ago

What she did was assault.

That's the first thing I thought when I read this. I'm sorry it had to happen.

By the way, I'm not that easy in restaurants. I often change my mind halfway through ordering or I hesitate. I am not autistic. If someone touched me like that, I would sue them, cause a scene or tell everyone I know not to frequent their establishment and hit them in their bank account. They have no excuse, less even, to do this to your son. If someone did this to my nephew, who is autistic, they would be charging me with assault.
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Anonymous

5 years ago

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[info]brian1789

5 years ago

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Anonymous

5 years ago

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[info]nolly

5 years ago

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[info]avt_tor

5 years ago

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[info]griffen

February 23 2007, 16:12:40 UTC 5 years ago

Please tell me you're going to sue them for damages. How dare they?

Give David my sympathies.
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[info]who_is_she

February 23 2007, 16:19:13 UTC 5 years ago

California state law

"...Under California law, persons with disabilities are entitled to full and equal access to places of
accommodation, transportation carriers, lodging places, recreation and amusement facilities, and other
business establishments where the general public is invited. ..... Persons with both physical and mental disabilities are
protected. (Civ. Code, ' 54.1.)
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[info]elissaann

February 23 2007, 16:21:15 UTC 5 years ago

The waitress would not have dared to do this to an adult who was slow to order.

Judging from what you have written, both the waitress and the manager were completely out of order.

I have been a waitress. If I had ever shaken and screamed at a customer the way you described, I would have been fired on the spot.
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[info]juverna

February 23 2007, 16:21:46 UTC 5 years ago

How utterly appalling. I was going to suggest writing a letter to the owner, but everyone who's commented so far has come up with equally good and better ideas. You have my complete support.
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[info]kimberlogic

February 23 2007, 16:23:20 UTC 5 years ago

I would make a formal complaint of assault - physically touching and screaming are both under the legal definition. Additionally, I'd write the local BBB and the local paper. This is unacceptable regardless of any given condition, but especially so given this:

"...Under California law, persons with disabilities are entitled to full and equal access to places of
accommodation, transportation carriers, lodging places, recreation and amusement facilities, and other
business establishments where the general public is invited. ..... Persons with both physical and mental disabilities are
protected. (Civ. Code, ' 54.1.)
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[info]dudemungus

February 24 2007, 14:14:24 UTC 5 years ago

Absolutely--assault in Canada is defined as placing a person a a situation where they feel their saftey is at risk. It doesn't have to be a "hit" per se.
Also, the manager probably stood behind the waitress to try to bully you out of charging them--if he apologised, he would be admitting fault and opening his restaraunt up for lawsuits. That or he's a prick and the waitress is his girlfriend.
I'd contact somebody over it. Papers to start, lawyers second.

Maybe you don't need the money, but a little satisfaction wouldn't hurt.
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[info]rivka

February 23 2007, 16:28:30 UTC 5 years ago

Whoa. I would absolutely be calling a local TV station.
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[info]charlottesmtms

February 23 2007, 16:32:50 UTC 5 years ago

*stunned*

I do hope that David is okay!

*makes mental note to never, ever, bring any business to that particular estabishment*

[info]charlottesmtms

February 23 2007, 16:40:44 UTC 5 years ago

Additionally ...

I dont' agree with the lawsuit angle (too many people doing that sort of thing, these days), but absolutely report these people to the authorites, and any media outlet you can find (TV, newspaper, net, etc) Provide any/all names, and write down everything that you can remember, for legal purposes (this entry will count)

I think the only letter the owner deserves is notice that these actions have been taken, since, most likely, this person would probably side with the waitress and manager (birds of a feather, and the like)

[info]kengr

5 years ago

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[info]angelique69

5 years ago

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[info]celticmoni

February 23 2007, 16:39:33 UTC 5 years ago

wow.

See...I'm generally a peaceful person, but...touch my son in an aggressive manner, and all bets are off.
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[info]griffen

February 23 2007, 16:42:49 UTC 5 years ago

Yeah, if a waitstaff person had done this to either of my daughters, I would have called the police and had them arrested. And then sued the restaurant for damages.

NOBODY touches my kid that way. NOBODY.
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[info]beaq

February 23 2007, 16:41:41 UTC 5 years ago

Yarks! Man.

Who is James? I'm usually ashamed and angry when someone suffers in public in a group I'm in, and then gets a load of blame dumped on them from people who should be on their side.

[info]juliansinger

February 23 2007, 18:25:07 UTC 5 years ago

That's David's brother. It makes sense in that context.

[info]beaq

5 years ago

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[info]uncledark

February 23 2007, 16:47:51 UTC 5 years ago

That is horrible.

I have to agree with most everyone else... Take it to the owner, the Better Business Bureau, the press...

You showed amazing patience and restraint. More than I would have, most likely.
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[info]xforge

February 23 2007, 16:52:52 UTC 5 years ago

(Here via [info]griffen); Just wanna say that's absolutely awful and add that I'm afraid if that waitress had touched my child in that manner she'd be hospitalized at this point with, at the very least, broken hands and arms. NOBODY touches my kid/grandkid. So, good on you for your restraint. Hope you decide to go forward with it 'cuz that's just unbelievable.

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[info]erin_c_1978

February 23 2007, 16:58:45 UTC 5 years ago

Here via [info]griffen -- this is horrendous, and you don't have to take it. There were laws broken here. Your poor kid, to be treated like that.
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[info]songwind

February 23 2007, 17:03:34 UTC 5 years ago

That's absolutely insane. *hugs*
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[info]sylvan

February 23 2007, 17:12:28 UTC 5 years ago

Here via [info]kshandra.

Please call the police, newspapers, local news shows. She broke the law and possibly so did her manager by backing that kind of behavior up. Autism or not that is no way to treat a child and the fact that they felt he shouldn't order for himself because of his autism disgusts me. Autism is challenge enough without having to deal with narrow-minded bigoted ass-hats.
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[info]eleri

February 23 2007, 17:16:54 UTC 5 years ago

Ditto for the here via, and ditto the comment. As a parent of an autism-spectrum child, if anyone touched the Mousie like that, I'd be on my cel phone to the cops in a heartbeat. Please press charges, please go to the media. Not just to humiliate the _*@$_*@$+_( restraunt, but to bring stark attention to the abuse that autistic kids experience in public.
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[info]call_me_ps

February 23 2007, 17:23:19 UTC 5 years ago

Wow, found my way here from [info]fiddle_dragon's journal.

I am shocked, upset and thoroughly disgusted. That is all shades of wrong, and I'm sorry you and your son had to go through something like that. I don't know how you kept it together. My husband would have lost it...
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[info]tenacious_snail

February 23 2007, 17:28:36 UTC 5 years ago

grrrr....

I go into "provide resources mode" in situations like this.

Local-to-San Diego autism resouces that may help you get an apology, draw bad press, or go do a training workshop at the restaurant.

http://centerforautism.com/
http://www.sd-autism.org/home/index.htm
http://www.rehab.cahwnet.gov/ils/ilcacsd.htm

If you could let David know that I heard about this and that I'm very proud of how he handled himself, and sad and angry about the waitress.
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[info]brian1789

February 24 2007, 09:47:28 UTC 5 years ago

Thanks, the second link there was highly useful (it got me in contact with the triage attorney).
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[info]tenacious_snail

February 23 2007, 17:45:56 UTC 5 years ago

how would you feel about posting the phone number, and having folks call and ask what their policy on diners with disabilities is, or diners with neurological disorders?

(note: when I worked with LGBT groups, we would sometimes go in to a business where an indicent occurred, and do a sensitivity training. I know that the independent living center in Hayward does, and so I am guessing other places do, too. I know that Pat has all the "what can be done legally" information.)
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[info]dkmnow

February 24 2007, 02:52:19 UTC 5 years ago

Pokez Mexican Restaurant
Address: 947 E St, San Diego, CA 92101
Phone: (619) 702-7160
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[info]zpdiduda

February 23 2007, 17:47:26 UTC 5 years ago

I'm so sorry to hear that you and your family were subjected to this horrendous treatment. I hope that David is okay and is not taking it upon himself.

If you want to smack these people upside the head with a lawyer, I'd be happy to lend my name and input to a nastygram or two. Let me know if you want to discuss the possibilities.

[info]zpdiduda

February 23 2007, 17:48:23 UTC 5 years ago

I know that Pat is a lawyer, but not sure if she's a member of the CA bar.

[info]brian1789

5 years ago

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[info]zpdiduda

5 years ago

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[info]chiefted

February 23 2007, 17:51:17 UTC 5 years ago

Here via [info]sylvan and [info]kshandra.

No matter what other legal avenues you are looking at, please go fill out a police report on this. It was assult plain and simple.

Also give David a big hug for me.
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